Including In-Laws in Family Governance — Susan Schoenfeld
Susan R. Schoenfeld, CEO and Founder of Wealth Legacy Advisors LLC, serves as a ‘thought partner’ to families of wealth through personal attention and human spirit. Susan is an award-winning Thought Leader; she provides guidance on legacy, stewardship, governance, leadership succession, and philanthropy. She recently spoke on Family Governance and The Family Office: Planning for the Next Generation at Opal Family Office & Private Wealth Management Forum 2025 in Newport, RI.
The question of whether to include the spouses of children or grandchildren in family meetings and family governance systems is one that frequently arises in multigenerational families. These relatives — often labeled as “outlaws” — present both a challenge and an opportunity for families trying to build a lasting legacy.
The Case for Inclusion
When it comes to family business operational discussions, there may well be portions of family meetings where spouses who aren’t actively involved in the business need not (and perhaps should not) participate. However, when the conversation turns to family values, identity, and legacy — the heart of what defines you as a family — the involvement of your in-laws is not just beneficial; it’s essential.
Consider this crucial point: these “outlaws” are the parents of your grandchildren. If they are excluded from participating in discussions about your family’s core values and legacy, how can these critical concepts be effectively passed down to the next generation of your family? Their exclusion risks creating a gap in the family’s value chain, undermining the very continuity of identity that you are working so hard to ensure.
The Strategic Value of Diversity
In-laws bring a variety of benefits to family governance. They offer:
- Diverse skill sets that complement and strengthen existing family capabilities;
- Fresh perspectives that challenge group-think and promote more informed decision-making; and
- Cultural, geographic, economic and experiential diversity that boosts the family’s knowledge base, adaptability and resilience.
Rather than seeing these differences as hurdles, families who have successfully navigated generational transitions recognize them as assets that will deepen the family’s collective wisdom and enhance its governance.
Systems for Successful Integration
One family that I know uses a sophisticated approach to welcoming new members into their family system, which includes:
- Mentorship programs, pairing incoming members with existing relatives;
- Comprehensive welcome materials that outline family history, values, and expectations; and
- Structured educational curricula that cover everything from family governance to philanthropy to wealth stewardship.
This well-defined structure acknowledges that new family members often come from different cultural, socioeconomic, and value-driven backgrounds. Instead of assuming alignment, this family focuses on developing it with intention to build a strong foundation to last long-term.
Addressing the Challenges
Yes, challenges do arise. Divorce, for example, can lead to transitions, requiring careful navigation as previously included members withdraw. However, these challenges should not overshadow the critical importance of family engagement. During the years when these individuals are actively parenting your grandchildren, their involvement in discussions around family values is crucial.
Families that thoughtfully approach the inclusion of in-laws — by setting clear expectations, fostering genuine connections, and creating systematic integration processes — experience stronger unity across generations. They understand that family governance is not just about managing wealth or business interests, but about cultivating a shared identity that transcends individual relationships or professional roles.
The Bottom Line
In-laws should not be viewed as “outlaws” to be managed or tolerated. They are integral partners in the family’s multigenerational success. By creating well-defined systems for their engagement, you not only strengthen your family governance, but also the foundation upon which your legacy will endure.
The question isn’t whether you should include them in family meetings, it’s whether you can afford not to.
Susan Schoenfeld, a public speaker & thought partner to families of wealth and their advisors, is an award-winning thought leader and family wealth counselor. Susan’s transition from a successful estate planning attorney and CPA to a trusted family advisor and thought partner was sparked by the deeper, more probing questions she received from wealthy families — questions that went far beyond traditional estate tax planning. As a conflict-free advisor who provides no investment, tax, or legal advice, and sells no product, Susan offers unfiltered, actionable insights directly to high-net-worth families and financial professionals alike. Her expertise and thought leadership have made her a sought-after keynote speaker and a leading facilitator at prestigious conferences across the United States.
Connect with Susan Schoenfeld on LinkedIn.
